January, I’m not ready for you.

It’s Christmas time, I’m home with my family for the holidays and it’s going to be a white Christmas. Life is so nice right now, but I can’t help but be daunted by the thought of January.

My mind constantly drifts back to the reality of my situation. I’m no longer going to be employed. I will either get approved for long term disability or I start looking for contract jobs. But I will have no benefits, no insurance, and no income for the entire month.

Why? Because as of January 6th my short term disability benefits end. I will be terminated from my employer, likely, at that time.

I don’t find out if I am approved for long term disability until my first “benefit” payment is due to me (aka my disability check), which is January 29th.

The dates suck and obviously do not align. I can’t go back to work because technically that would ruin my long term disability claim (and I can’t go back to work because I’m not better, this is chronic, I’m just learning how to live this new normal).

I will have no income, no insurance and no peace of mind for the entire month. Yeah, things could be worse. Duh. But this month is weighing on my mind and causing so much internal stress. Which, wouldn’t you guess it, causes pain flare ups non-stop.

Disability is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. This process is exhausting and disheartening at every point.

I’m trying to just look forward to Christmas, the rest of December, and the end of January! But its tough.

2 thoughts on “January, I’m not ready for you.

  1. It is tough. I often found the illogic of the entire system so damn frustrating. Being disabled in and of itself is stressful enough now add navigating the whole benefits and insurance system so you have a chance of surviving and it in and of itself is a full time job! The whole thing often felt designed to make me want to give up. I hope your navigation of it all goes rather easier and you have a good support team in your corner. One step at a time. And sometimes screaming in frustration is how I did it. Lol. I wish you a merry holiday and as low stress as possible January.

    Liked by 1 person

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