I had the opportunity to have a very real, very difficult conversation with my father this weekend. It opened my eyes to pain in a different way that tears at my heart.
I think its easy for chronically ill people to get so consumed in their pain, that sometimes its easy to not see how their condition impacts loved ones. Even when we think it doesn’t.
My family is not around me every day or even every month. They don’t see my pain every day and they don’t see how much it overtakes my life. But that’s not their fault. I chose to move to a different state and with that, I have to deal with the impossibility of their company in a moments notice.
I have always been incredibly close to my family, they’ve always supported me in all aspects of life. But I always kind of had a feeling that in the back of their minds, the pain that I endure is all in my head, that its not as bad as I make it seem. I’m sure a lot of other Fibro and chronic sufferers probably have this same feeling.
But I never thought about the other side of the pain, from my family’s perspective. I learned that not only does my dad truly believe that my pain is real, but he actually feels responsible for it.
I was taken aback. Responsible?! No person can be held responsible for the state of my health. But he explained that him and my mom often question if its something that they passed down or something that they did or didn’t do.
Through tears I listened to my father get more real with me than he ever has. I can’t even explain how much this conversation meant to me.
I have always had my family’s support and love, but now I feel that I have their understanding as well.