A mixed bag of F’d up emotions

Not even sure what to write. I am beyond stressed, anxious, sad, nervous- any word you want to put on it, I’m it.

If I get asked one more time if I’m excited for my medical leave I will lose my shit. People are ignorant, it is what it is, but do you really think this is going to be some sort of vacation for me? Do you think I WANT to pause my career at 28?

My career is my drive. I don’t plan on having kids ( I can’t even imagine how ya’ll do it with this disease). To put my career on hold at this stage is killing me on the inside. All I want to do is move up the corporate ladder and Fibro put oil all over it.

At the end of this 3 month short term disability leave… then what? What if I’m not better? What if nothing has changed? What if I cant actually go back to to my normal work life? What the fuck would I do with myself?

And alternatively, what if I do get better and people forget that this disease still consumes me? What if they forget that I will still have my sick days and sometimes I will still be too exhausted to stay late hours? What if after I look healthy again and don’t need a cane, people expect that I’m cured?

My emotions are a whirl.

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